A Wave of Emotions

I've been working the new job for eight weeks now. It's been going well and I've been enjoying it so today I decided to go back to the Rochester Center for Autism for a little visit. I haven't let myself do this yet out of pretty much fear. Fear of kids not remembering me or caring I was there, fear of wanting to come back right that second, fear of seeing a kid dramatically improve once I left. I was surprised at the anxiety I was feeling just walking up to the door and really all the emotions that I went through during the hour I was there. (Man, I forgot how fast time goes in that building) It was great and so heart warming when a few particular children noticed me from across the room and came over to say hi and dance and sing and play. Really, you can't help but to be happy when you're in a place like that. So I sang, tickled, chased, listened, followed and watched the kids doing what they do best: Being kids and impressing people. It was so great to see old friends and old co-workers and everyone seemed happy to see me. I had the thoughts of "why did I leave here again?" and "I wonder if I could really come back?" and as it was time to leave I went home a little down. I realize how much I miss that place.

Then I go home, open the door and Dax (the dog who will get a post I promise) is there waiting and wagging his tail. I realize that had I not made the job change we wouldn't have gotten Dax, we wouldn't have bought a few new toys and most likely the thoughts of starting a family would be more on the back-burners of our minds rather than an active part of our life. It's all bittersweet, to realize you left a place you loved so much in order to take yourself to a place in life that you will surely love some more.

What a day.... I'll have to go back more but really, maybe it is time to stick out the grown-up job and enjoy things like nights, weekends and holidays off, having a dog, having toys and hopefully having a family.